Captain Observant
by WithDemonWings
Summary: Clint Barton knew was pretty observant, thank you very much. He was a highly skilled assassin and the best archer. Ever. At least until a revelation tilted his world on it's axis. Rated M for liberal usage of f*ck mostly. Stony, ThunderHulk & BlackHawk


Clint Barton knew he was pretty fucking observant, fuck you very much. His eyesight was something like ridiculously stupid over "Ha, you can't see that?" so he could see shit like details, that most people couldn't. Plus he was a fucking ninja assassin who used a bow and was trained in the art of baddassery. How fucking epic was that?

Of course he wasn't as observant as Natasha, because she had trained him in ninja assassin-ry, and NO ONE was as all knowingly observant as Natasha, so fuck you too.

Then there was Bruce, who was a sneaky ninja rage monster of knowingness. That sneaky bastard noticed shit like three weeks before everyone but Natasha; the sneaky, cunning, deviously deceitful, shifty, shady, sly, disingenuous, sneaky bastard.

Then there was Agent Phil Fucking Coulson, and Tony had actually hacked into the S.H.E.I.L.D. database and changed it. No one had noticed the changed, and Phil knew because it was his own file and he was Agent Fucking Coulson. He had brought Tony the schematics to something that had the engineer hidden his lab for a solid week.

Plus the dude had Pepper Potts in his corner, who wasn't observant like Natasha was, but she just seemed to know things that no one else did. Clint wondered if she was able to connect to JARVIS and just like download everything; she was just so fucking… omniscient.

Clint was almost 100% - like 97.6% positive that Thor wasn't the fumblingly clueless muscly warrior man he pretended to be. He was probably just having too much fun because he knew shit, picked up on things surprisingly quick.

Okay so Clint was more observant than Steve and Tony. He was a little iffy about Steve though, because the man had mad artistic skills and you had to be like super aware and perceptive about just about everything. Like every-fucking-thing.

Okay, he was more observant than Tony, who may or may not be observant because he had some artistic flare...

Despite that, it seemed like just everyone was more observant than Tony. Clint was really pretty sure anyway.

Clint liked to think he was pretty fucking observant, fuck you very much.

He noticed the way that Bruce and Thor would sit just that much too close, or how Bruce would order something like onion rings even though he hated the damn things because Thor fucking loved the things, and the god would order - well, he ate just about everything, but he would share. Fucking SHARE. He didn't even fucking share with Loki, or Jane.

There were dozens of other things that he noticed, but they didn't even come close to the Thorki romance, or the "Science bros". Because really, an exploding fist bump, followed by "science algorithm!"? Like how that was even remotely cool?

So because Clint was Captain Observant, he wasn't all that surprised when he walked into the kitchen one Thursday and found Thor practically wrapped around Bruce from behind as the scientist tended to the bacon. The god would try to snatch a piece, only to recieve a swat from the little rubber tongs that Bruce was using.

It was Tony and Steve that had left Clint feeling all kinds of stupid as he watched as Steve batted Tony away from the batter as Tony tried to dump a variety of food stuffs - blueberries, chocolate chips, Smarties; which he gets shipped in from Canada by the case because he's Tony fucking Stark and he can do weird shit like that thank you very much. But it's the whole strawberries that Steve catches with the ladle before it lands in the batter, that has Clint gapping like a fish. Because Steve has pulled it out of the spoon and popped it his mouth, batter and all. Tony stops him a moment.

"Wait, Steve you have berry juice, just here," he states as he moves closer to Steve; it looks like he's going to wipe it off with his thumb, instead his hand tangles in Steve's hair and he pulls him down for a hungry kiss. It's all tongue and teeth and Tony practically devouring Steve, but he doesn't seem to care, in fact his free hand is groping Tony's ass.

Clint makes an odd sort of noise that sounds like something between a cat in heat, and a dog being stepped on. He flees, or hides anyway, hoping that no one noticed him.

"What the hell was that?" Tony dem-asks, which is something between asking and demanding that Tony has down to an art.

"That was a wounded hawk," Clint could hear the smirk on sneaky bastard Banners face as he fled for real.

Clint is tempted to go back, but he still just cannot wrap his head around Tony and Steve. Namely because it's Tony fucking Stark, heterosexual playboy extraordinaire and Steve fucking Rogers, who's more wholesome than fucking apple pie and who's harshest swear is "fudge".

With all his watching and getting stuck in the vents, who the hell booby traps a fucking air vent anyway? Oh right fucking Stark, the unobservant Neanderthal, and also Bruce "Epic Douche Man" Wayne. And psychotic madmen bent on world domination. Good times...

"Hey Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so Brain, but if they called them "sad meals" no one would buy them."

Clint almost walked into the wall. Not only had he said that out loud, but someone had heard him? Fucking awesome.

"Narf."

"So this is what it feels like," he muttered, turning to find Phil Coulson watching him in concern. Not only was Phil one of two people who could sneak up on Clint, Nat being the other; the agent had only just been allowed out of bed for short walks.

Phil just shrugged from where he was leaning heavily on his cane. They had all been beyond relieved to find out that Phil was alive, barely, but alive. It had taken almost eight month for Phil to get where he was now, short walks with a cane and sleeping with an oxygen mask because his lungs still weren't at 100%, but he was alive, and that was what mattered.

Of course none of them, save for Natasha were actually talking to Fury. They understood why he'd held it from them, but that didn't mean they had to like it. Besides Nat was the only one of them that Fury was legitimately afraid of. They were all a little afraid of her, including Clint, but that was because he knew what she was capable of.

"There really isn't all that much to do at three in the morning, other than either watch one or both of the science bros, or old cartoons. You can only watch the sham wow or bullet commercials so many times before they start to seem like fantastic gift ideas. Besides, I think Tony fancies himself Brain, while the rest of us are Pinky's," Phil trailed off, either pondering the ides of Tony Stark as a small white rodent with an oversized head, or having zoned out because of the drugs he was still on. Clint could never really tell.

Clint snorted at the mental image of Iron Brain.

"Did you know?" He blurted.

Phil's brow knotted in confusion, "i know a lot of things, agent Barton. You're going to have to be a little bit more specific."

"About Stark and Rogers!" He practically yelled; he whipped around in horror praying to any god but Thor that no one had heard his less than manly shriek.

Fortunately, neither of men appeared; they seemed to singing along to something on the radio. It wasn't country, which is what Clint preferred, and it wasn't the stuff that Tony usually blared in the lab, so Clint had absolutely no idea what it was. Something about wayward sons.. Whatever.

Clint visibly calmed himself and discreetly cleared his throat, and huffed. "About Tony and Steve, and their..." He waved a hand around, not quite sure what to call it, simply because he hadn't wanted to think about it, in any way because it was Steve and Tony. He already knew way too much about Stark's love life and well captain America had no sex drive. He was asexual. Or at least he was supposed to be.

"Their what?" Coulson asked, bringing Clint back from his brain rant.

"Their fraternizing," Clint finally, managed with a shudder. He really didn't want the mental image if Steve bending Tony over his desk, and who knew Steve had a potty mouth? And Thor and Bruce needed to go torture someone else's brain, and hey whatever happened to Jane?

"All the observing you do and you didn't observe?" Phil asked sardonically as he began his slow limp down the hall to the kitchen. Why he would ever want to go in there, Clint had no idea...

When Phil left, Clint had no idea what to do. But standing in a hall, gaping like a fish sounded like a great idea.

"I think we broke him," Tony states causing Clint to blink at them stupidly. The pair seemed to be studying him.

"Fuck you," he snarled, before he spun in his heel and stormed away, wishing he had a door to slam.

He hid in the vents for three days after that, it would have been more but he happened upon Nat pleasuring herself as with a large purple dildo and moaning his name. He really wasn't one to deny a beautiful lady.

Afterwards he began to really observe; really watch them. They still bickered, and Steve kept telling Tony he was being a jerk or immature, or an idiot, or that he really didn't need that one more drink... Huh. So maybe it wasn't Steve mothering Tony so much as Steve taking care of someone he cared about.

He found that Tony didn't tinker restlessly when he couldn't sleep after a nightmare, and Steve didn't go through as many of the specially made punching bags. And that should have been a clue, at least a little one, after the special pants for Bruce when he transformed, and the special bike for Thor, and the new uniform for Steve, and the new weapons for Nat, and the modified shield for Steve, and the new arrows for Clint and the new whatever it was that Tony was working on for Steve... Okay now he felt kind of stupid for not noticing.

The feeling only intensified during the next movie night. They sat close together, much like Bruce and Thor, but he'd just figured it was because they didn't want to disturb the rest of them with Steve's incessant questions, which was another big clue, because whenever Clint asked what was going on in a movie, Tony would tell him to sit down, shut up and watch the beginning later. And lately Steve hadn't been asking as many questions, but the pair usually shared their no salt, over-buttered popcorn...

And then Tony shared his blueberries with Steve. Pepper had, and still was the only other person allowed to go near Tony's never ending stash. Except for Bruce, but Tony usually offered them to the other scientist. But Steve usually helped himself, and didn't lose a limb.

It wasn't until they were watching Die Hard for a living, or whatever the hell it was called, and normally Clint loved John McClane and all his exploding action, but he was still stuck on SteveandTony.

"Denial is not just a river," Nat whispered as she headed into the kitchen to make more popcorn.

He watched as Steve settled a sleepy Tony against his chest, during a movie for the first time ever. Though Tony seemed to fit snuggly and comfily into Steve.

No one else reacted, or even seemed to notice and Tony made a noise of contentment as he nestled into Steve's chest. The genius had spent the last three days stuck in some old building that Hammer had locked down and made impenetrable. At least it had been until Tony had finished with it, but there had been mutant animals and killer robots trying to, you know, kill Tony. So after three days of cat and mouse and hand to claw combat and drinking his own distilled urine, Tony was understandably exhausted. Hammers impenetrable building wasn't so impenetrable anymore and was now a heaping, smoldering pile of smolder.

Bruce glanced at Clint, who was still watching SteveandTony and he nudged Thor. The pair smiled softly.

Clint hadn't noticed, and Natasha was too absorbed in the movie, even as she ran a hand through Clint's hair.

Tony gave a soft snort and Steve smoothed his forehead with a gentle hand and soothing words.

"Stop torturing yourself, Clint," Steve suddenly spoke up during a quiet, none explody part of the movie. "Sometimes you only see what you want to see."

Clint didn't know what to say, so he just settled back onto Nat's lap and let her hand lull him into the movie. He could be all observanty later.

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_Thank you for reading, I hope you can find a moment to leave a constructive comment. :)_


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